i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
