You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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