i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
