We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
