I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
