I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
