I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
