how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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