She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
