Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
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I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
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I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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