Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
