I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I love how my cats smell like pot.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
