Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
