Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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