Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
