stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
