I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Randomize
