Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
