And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
