I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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