Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
