You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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