Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
