thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
