Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
