It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
