dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
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