I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
