Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
