Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
