Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
