My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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