i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
