FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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