My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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