Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Randomize
