I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I skipped work to stalk him.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Randomize
