Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
