Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
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I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
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Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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