I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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