Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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