he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Houston, we have a blender
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Randomize
