so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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