I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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