Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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