i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
