You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail