ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
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He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
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You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence