Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?