I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
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i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
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Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?