i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
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We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
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My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.