I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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