Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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