I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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