it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
