was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
