its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
