I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Randomize
