Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
