Cold hands, warm shart.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
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Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
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Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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