Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
