It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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