Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
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I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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